The Day Cupid Dropped Acid
by Jason Thompson
Summary: Two Gods with nothing better to do, *&$% things up in the love department for Sunnydale


The Day Cupid Dropped Acid  
A Buffy the Vampire Slayer Fanfiction Story  
Author: Jason Thompson  
Pilamsega@tir.com  
November 19, 2000  
  
Disclaimer:Once upon a time there was a guy he wrote a story with characters and settings   
he didn't own, but he put a disclaimer on his story and that made it a little less illegal. BTVS and   
Angel are owned by Joss, Fox, Mutant Enemy, and the WB. I don't own anything except the   
situation characters are in.   
  
Category:Starts off canon, doesn't stay that way long.  
  
Spoilers:General season 4&5 Angel Season 1&2  
  
Warnings:  
  
Summary:All Hell breaks lose in the love department of Sunnydale.   
  
Rating:PG-13 for sexual situations, implied nudity and air guitar.   
  
Distribution:Ask First.   
  
Notes:  
  
Dedication:Dedicated to Bri, Mary, Duchess, Dale, Nate, Stone Cold, Aslan, Goddess and   
Sairs who have allowed me to bounce my ideas off them, and Krac, cause I said so.  
  
The Day Cupid Dropped Acid  
  
Xander pulled his car into Buffy's driveway. Putting the car in park he said, "Looks like Riley's   
here already."  
  
Buffy smiled and nodded, "Yep. So you're meeting Riley and I at Giles' shop tonight right?"  
  
Xander nodded, "Yes Buffy, for the hundredth time, yes, we'll meet you there, and from there we   
will go to dinner with you. I just need to go home and shower the 'Buffy kicked the crap outta me   
sweat' off."  
  
Buffy smiled and gave Xander a quick peck on the cheek, "Thanks for being my punching bag   
Xander. You know, no one helps me train and my ego at the same time quite like you."  
  
Xander smirked, "Is it all the manly screaming and crying or the 'Ow! Ow! Not the Face!' that   
helps Buff?"  
  
Buffy giggled, "Cute."  
  
"Yeah, yeah I know, I'm not the cutest Xander-shaped friend in the business for nothing. Go on   
get out of here."  
  
Buffy got out of the car, "Seeya tonight Xand."  
  
Buffy closed the door and Xander backed out of the drive. She bounced happily up the steps in   
anticipation of some quick smootchies with Riley before she showered and got dressed. She   
opened the door, and heard her mom laughing in the kitchen. She walked in the kitchen, saying,   
"Mom, I'm hoooooOH MY GOD!" Buffy's brain melted at the sight before her before she ran   
screaming out of the house. As she ran, she tried desperately to forget the site of her mother   
wrapped in the arms of Riley, kissing and her mother's hands inside of Riley shirt… She was   
pretty sure she was going to throw up.  
  
***  
  
The crunching guitars of Megadeth reverberated through Xander's apartment. Xander came out   
of the bathroom, nodding his head rhythmically with "Holy Wars" as he made his way to the   
kitchen, clad in only a towel, his hair starting to move out of place. He had combed it straight   
back when he got out of the shower, and now he was going to get a quick snack before he got   
dressed.  
  
He opened the fridge and pulled out a leftover Corned Beef sandwich. He took a bite of the   
sandwich and walked out into the living area. Suddenly aware of just how cool it was to have an   
apartment all by himself, Xander began to nod his head more enthusiastically, and he brought his   
hands into "air guitar" position. He began to pantomime playing along to the song.  
  
Before long, Xander was jumping around his apartment, playing a hall of fame air guitar solo, he   
had absolutely no idea how that towel was staying on either. But when the whooping and   
cheering at the door made its way from his ear to his brain and he pitched over the couch he was   
thankful it did. He peeked over the couch to see Faith smirking at him from the door. "Hey baby,   
shake that ass some more for Mama!" Faith then reached into her pocket and produced several   
dollar bills which she waved in the air while she stuck her fingers in her mouth and whistled   
loudly.  
  
Xander blushed maroon before he waved shyly. "Hey Faith."  
  
Faith came over and leaned over the back of the couch, "Come on out Xander, I won't bite… well   
I'll bite, but I'll lick and suck and kiss too." She leered at Xander then wet her lips with her   
tongue.  
  
Xander stood up slowly, and cast a weary glance at Faith, "What's going on?"   
  
Faith smirked then hopped the couch, Xander took a step backwards, which Faith answered. She   
was almost devouring him with her eyes. "Mm-mm-mm! Look at you, you are one damn tasty   
morsel Xand." She ran a finger lazily over one of Xander's pecs.  
  
Xander's breath stopped in his chest, and he couldn't seem to get it to start up again. "Uhhhhhhh."  
  
"I could just eat you up…"  
  
"Really?" Xander's voice jumped three octaves.  
  
Faith grabbed his towel, "Time to unwrap my welcome back present…"  
  
Xander grabbed his towel and jumped back, "ANYA! I mean… Anya, Anya… Who's Anya   
again? Oh yeah, my girlfriend!"  
  
"Not according to Willow's mouth."  
  
"Whahuh?"  
  
Faith sighed and wrapped her arms around Xander's neck, "I saw them making out at Giles'   
apartment."  
  
Xander's head shook, "No… Willow and Anya wouldn't do that, not to Tara and I."  
  
"That's what I saw Xander, I don't know what else to tell you." She started to move in for a kiss   
when Xander snaked out of her embrace and stepped back. Faith growled half in seduction, half   
in frustration. "Xander, this 'hard to get' bullshit is getting old."  
  
Xander took a step back, "Faith, the last time you and I were this close, I ended up with finger-  
shaped bruises around my throat."  
  
Faith's bottom lip jutted out, "C'mere, I'll kiss 'em better."  
  
Xander held his hands out in a defensive posture, "Faith, I'm not sure this is a good idea, besides   
I'm…"  
  
Faith's eyes lit mischievously, "Overdressed?"  
  
Xander laughed uncomfortably, "I was going to say um… late for meeting Anya, Buffy and   
Riley." Faith pouted, and seeing her pout, Xander was at a loss. "You're welcome to uh… um…   
stay while I get dressed and well…" Xander's rambling was rudely interrupted by Faith's lips and   
tongue. Xander's arms wrapped around Faith, he didn't let go of the towel…  
  
***  
  
Joyce ran to the door, "Buffy wait!" She sagged against the door. "Way to go Joyce, your   
daughter has a nice, *normal* boyfriend and you go and kiss him." Joyce felt Riley's hand on her   
shoulder, She leaned her head against Riley's hand. "I'm not even sure why I did it. I just saw   
you standing there and suddenly I…"  
  
Riley nodded, "I know, I couldn't help it… Joyce, I think."  
  
Joyce turned and stepped into Riley's arms. They stood in silence, "We have to talk to Buffy."  
  
Riley cringed, "Do we? You, she'll probably forgive, me… Well the phrase, 'drawn and   
quartered' comes to mind."  
  
Joyce found herself laughing. "Riley, did today seem especially strange?"  
  
"Even by our standards it seemed strange. Joyce, I think I have feelings for you."  
  
Joyce laughed, "Well, that just seals it, doesn't it?" Joyce leaned up and kissed Riley on the lips.   
"We need to go, where is it you're supposed to meet Buffy?"  
  
"Giles' shop at eight."  
  
"Okay. That's when we'll go."  
  
***  
  
Anya and Willow sat on Giles' couch watch TV. Willow had the remote and Anya was twirling   
her hair on a finger. Anya suddenly turned to Willow, "So Willow? What is it going to be like   
now that we're lesbians together? I mean, cause I enjoy arguing with you, but I enjoy kissing you   
even more. It's very confusing."  
  
Willow sighed in annoyance, "I don't know Anya. All I know is that you have to break up with   
Xander if we're going to do anything together. I broke up with Tara for you after all."  
  
"Okay. I'll tell him tonight when I meet him at the shop." There's a silence as Willow flipped   
channels, "So Willow, there's some stuff I wanted to try, but Xander didn't want to do.. I was   
wondering if you'd want to."  
  
Willow turned to Anya, "Like what?"  
  
Anya smiled, "Well it's called BDSM. Bondage/Dominate-Submissive/Sadomasochism."  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
"Well, see, I tie you up and control you and cause you pain for sexual pleasure."  
  
"I'm NOT going to do that!"  
  
Anya shrugged, "Okay, you can dominate me then."  
  
"NO!"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
Willow's jaw wouldn't get up off the floor, "I, well, I don't. I just don't want to."  
  
Anya slid over and placed her hand on Willow's thigh, "Hey, before a couple of weeks ago, I   
didn't think I'd want to kiss and have intercourse with other women."  
  
"Well…"  
  
"C'mon Willow, what's the harm in trying something new?"  
  
Willow sighed, "Famous last words?"  
  
Anya led Willow out of the apartment by the hand, "Wait until you see my shackles."  
  
***  
  
Buffy had run out of the house and was almost to Giles' place when she collided and landed in a   
tangled mass of limbs with someone. She started to get to her feet when a familiar voice said,   
"Buffy?"  
  
Buffy was brushing herself off when it registered who the voice she had heard. "Oz?"  
  
Oz rubbed the back of his head, "Nice hip check."  
  
Buffy pulled Oz to his feet, "What? Oh," The Slayer blushed and laughed in an embarrassed   
manner. "Sorry."  
  
"Don't worry about it. Where are you running?"  
  
"Oh I ah… Well, I'm having a personal apocalypse." Oz cocked an eyebrow, "I missed your non-  
verbal style Oz."  
  
Oz gave Buffy an "almost-smirk," "It grows on people." He led Buffy over to a bench, they sat   
down. "What happened?"  
  
"Well, I walked into my house, and found Riley kissing, well making out is a better word or   
phrase, or whatever…" Oz only sat passively, "With my mother."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes." Buffy sighed and her head fell onto Oz's shoulder, she was pleasantly surprised when Oz's   
arms wrapped around her. It suddenly occurred to her that Oz shouldn't be in Sunnydale. "Oz?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
Buffy sat up, "What are you doing here?"  
  
Oz shrugged, "I couldn't stay away."  
  
Buffy's eyebrow rose in confusion, "What couldn't you stay away from Oz?"  
  
Oz's hand found Buffy's cheek, "You." Buffy's eyes widened in surprise, she had never in a   
million years thought that Oz, could possibly have feelings for her. "I've been thinking about you   
the whole time I was in New York. Last week, I realized I just couldn't stay away from you   
anymore so I packed up the van and drove back."  
  
Buffy smiled, "You realize that that was probably the most words I've ever heard you say."  
  
Oz shrugged, "So, what now?"  
  
"I don't know Oz, Willow's with Tara still, last I heard, and things were just so weird with her last   
time you came back…" Buffy suddenly felt a shock when Oz's fingers slid through her hair and   
found the nape of her neck, "What was I saying?"  
  
"I don't know."   
  
Buffy nodded absently, "Oh…" They inched towards each other slowly. Buffy's eyes fell closed   
and their lips came together gently, suddenly all thoughts of Willow, Riley and her mother flew   
right out of the proverbial window. When Oz pulled away, all Buffy could say was, "Wow."  
  
Oz nodded before kissing Buffy again.  
  
***  
  
"Anya, stop touching my butt, it still hurts. That riding crop really hurt."  
  
"Well you liked the handcuffs, overall I would call our experiment in BDSM a success." Willow   
looked at Anya like she was insane. "What? I had a very powerful orgasm, and you screamed   
bloody murder."  
  
Willow squawked, "Cause you bit my nipple!"  
  
Anya smirked, "You liked it."  
  
Willow blushed, unable to deny Anya's assertion. They walked towards the magic shop.   
Stopping when they saw a couple making out with a frantic need. The man had the woman   
pinned against the window of Giles' shop. They were grinding against each other and breathing   
heavily.   
  
Anya leaned into Willow's ear, "You know that guy looks like Xander…"  
  
Suddenly the woman gasped out. Willow's eyes widened, "Faith?!"  
  
The woman's eyes snapped open, "Willow?"  
  
The guy lifted his head. "Willow?"  
  
Anya clucked, "XANDER!"  
  
Xander snapped around, "Anya, what? You? Faith was right wasn't she?"  
  
Anya was furious, "What, that you're hot for Slayers?"  
  
Xander walked up to her, then pointed at the lipstick on her throat which matched Willow's,   
"How about you sucking tongue with Willow?" Anya and Willow both blanched, Xander nodded   
sadly, "The sad thing is, I'm not angry, or even disappointed, just sad."  
  
Anya reddened, "Well I'm angry buster, I'm angry like all hell! You cheated on me!"  
  
Xander's anger was fueled by hers, "You cheated on me first!"  
  
"So, you cheated on me with a Psychotic, body-stealing, evil Slayer!"  
  
"YOU cheated on me with my BEST FRIEND!"  
  
Willow scowled at Faith, "Gee, Faith, leave it to you to blow into town and screw everything up   
between everyone."  
  
Faith smirked at the red-head, "Seems to me that you and the horny little bitch had things going   
just fine all by yourselves. Me I just came back to town to get a piece of Xander's ass." She   
crossed the space between them casually, smirking. "That mission is accomplished, but I think I   
still have time to pound your prissy, wannabe-Indigo Girl, ass into the dirt."  
  
"BRING IT ON!"  
  
Faith laughed as she brought her fist back, "With pleasure!"  
  
"What on earth is going on?"  
  
Everyone turned to see Buffy. Standing with Oz, holding his hand. Xander smirked, "I could ask   
that myself. How's it goin' Oz?"  
  
Oz nodded, "Hey Xander."  
  
"Buffy we need to…" Buffy whirled around and her hand lashed across Riley's face. Staggering   
the former Commando.  
  
"What do you have to say to me, Mother Kisser!?"  
  
Joyce stepped up to Buffy, "What on earth did you do that for Buffy?"  
  
Buffy scowled her mother for a moment, "How about, he kissed you?"  
  
Joyce sighed, "Let's go inside and discuss all of this." She opened the door and Buffy walked in,   
the rest soon followed, they walked towards the back room, when they heard murmurs.  
  
The back door flew open and out tumbled Giles in a lip lock with a shirtless Spike. Xander's eyes   
opened wide, Willow and Anya's jaws fell slack, Riley grimaced, Joyce turned away, Oz cocked   
his eyebrow, Faith laughed and Buffy screeched, "GILES!"  
  
Giles and Spike jumped apart, "B-Buffy!"  
  
Willow raised her hand, "Does anyone else think that maybe, we do a little too much   
intermingling sexually?"  
  
Xander raised his hand. After a moment, so did Riley and Anya. Soon after, everyone began to   
bicker angrily…  
  
Outside the window stood two figures. One, seemingly a man, the other possibly a woman, but   
considering that it was Sunnydale, anything was possible. The man was blonde and dressed in   
baggy jeans and a black lounge shirt with bright orange leopard print collar. He pulled out a   
small bean bag and began toss and catch it.  
  
The woman had pinkish hair with blonde highlights. She wore jeans and a T-Shirt that said, "If   
you think you feel good, wait 'til you feel me!" she was cracking some chewing gum. "Told ya   
Sega, so pay up!"  
  
The male, "Sega," smirked and began to kick the bean bag, "Proves nothing Shelle."  
  
The female, Shelle turned to him, "The hell it doesn't! It proved, that I could use my power as a   
Love Goddess to cause more chaos than you could as a Chaos Lord."  
  
Jason continued to kick the bean bag, "Yeah, yeah, you cheated though."  
  
"I did NOT!"  
  
"Did too. Smelly!"  
  
Shelle huffed and folded her arms over her chest angrily, "I told you not to call me that, I've been   
telling you not to call me that since the Inquisition."  
  
Sega stalled the bean bag on his foot and turned to Shelle, "Just like I've asked you not to call me   
Sega. I haven't played on the damn thing in almost a decade." Sega sighed in resignation. "How   
'bout we go double or nothing in LA. I bet I can use chaos to get the Souled vamp to fall for his   
Seer."  
  
Shelle nodded, taking in his offer, "So if you do, we're even, and if I win…"  
  
Sega smirked, "Then the members of Metallica come down with an incurable case of laryngitis,   
and The writers of Dawson's Creek decide to get Dawson and Pacey's sister together. Happy?"  
  
Shelle smiled, and stuck out her hand, "Deal." Sega shook her hand, and they walked off. "You   
got your work cut out for you too, considering the Vamp."  
  
"Why, he still hung up on the Slayer?"  
  
Shelle laughed, "Nope, I resurfaced his feelings for his Sire."  
  
"You minx."  
  
"That's why you love me."  
  
"That and no one else has tolerated me for more than a century at a time." Sega suddenly turned   
back to the shop, "What about them?"  
  
Shelle shrugged, "Leave 'em this way. I happen to like the way they're all coupled up now. Its   
more fun this way."  
  
"Okay."  
  
They walked off into the night both hoping to get what they wanted when they got to Los Angeles   
to mess with the Angel Investigations team.  
  
--End--  



End file.
